The past few years we have seen a consistent number of young teens,
especially girls, committing suicide after suffering consistent bullying from
peers. Sometimes it comes as a result of behavior on the teen’s part, but this
essay is not about victim-blaming. It is, however, some suggestions based on the
work of Erik Erikson and his ideas on human development that might help young
people get through the juggernaut that is middle and high school social life.



Erikson and psychosocial development


Erik Erikson believed in the influence of one’s surrounding on their human development. He believed that we resolve crises based on how we pass
through those stages of development. I have a pretty solid, albeit not comprehensive, knowledge of Erikson’s perspective and surmise that we did not pass through them once and then forever and always our crisis in this area of
  development is over; rather, we continue to move through them and resolve them throughout our lifetime.


Trust versus Mistrust


Erikson believed that as infants we look to our caregivers for support
and for meeting our needs. Those needs can be emotional or even more basically, food, trauma, basic help and so forth. The individual develops a sense of trust that a caregiver will come to their aid. For the teen, it is the basis for
trusting those around them to meet their needs. Parents must ensure that they
have established a strong foundation for being there unconditionally for their
children early so when it comes time to share their most vulnerable events –
when they are being picked on – they feel they can come and talk to their
caregiver.


Autonomy versus Self-Doubt


This stage begins at about 2/3 years of age. There is a reason why some
children become ornery at this age. Imagine having all these wants and ideas and opinions but caregivers aren’t always prepared to fulfill those wants and needs and certainly cannot entertain all the opinions of a three year old. However, giving selections from which the child can choose will instill the idea that they can make their own decisions and think about their choices. 
If their choices are always made for them or they are consistently
corrected for their choices, a sense of self-doubt develops and, later on in
their childhood, the teen will doubt themselves, their judgment and their
choices – and possibly look to others to make choices for them. The child who is
allowed to make choices herself and can count on the caregiver to be there,
without judgment, to support her through the bumps and bruises of bad choices
will develop a sense of strength and not be easily led astray. 



Initiative versus guilt


At 3-5 years of age, after successfully resolving the autonomy crisis,
the child takes the initiative and makes decisions on his own. The caregiver can
reinforce this behavior by providing instances where choice can be made and then acknowledging and valuing the decision made by the child. However, if the child is made to feel bad about making decisions on his own, a sense of guilt and
doubt can result. For the teen, this stage sets the foundation for being given
opportunities to make decisions and then having those decisions respected and
rewarded with acknowledgement and praise. They won’t always make the right
decisions but that is why we have established a sense of trust in the child
early so that guidance and re-direction aren’t seen as criticism but rather,
wisdom out of a place of love and support. Having initiative might ensure that
the teen will make their own decisions and not be led by others into negative
behavior. It also means that the teen will not be made to feel guilty over
decisions, good or bad, that they have made because they are the ones who made them and will stand behind them. This stance also instills in the teen that the decisions they make will be decisions for which they will be held accountable. 
 
Industry versus inferiority


Some students who have been in psychology courses with me have
identified this stage as the most important in developing a healthy adult. I am
on the undecided – I think they are all equally important – but I appreciate
their logic. If you feel like you have the support of a caregiver and they
create an environment where you can make decisions on your own and those
decisions are honored and valued, then you are more likely to make decisions on
your own and feel confident in them. Whether it is being pressured into sex or
teased relentlessly, the child who feels supported, makes decisions on their own
using common sense and stands behind those decisions and actually makes
decisions that might not be popular because they feel strong in their choice, is
more likely to withstand bullying – even cyber bullying for which there seems to
be no safe place to hide. The child who is made to feel bad about the choices
they have made, including statements like – “see, I told you so. Just do what I
say and it will be fine”- will feel inferior and not make their own decisions
and certainly will not stand behind the decisions they make.



Identity versus Role Confusion


Here is the crucial time for teens. At this stage in Erikson’s model,
the individual develops a sense of who they are, or they resolve the crisis
negatively and do not establish the kind of person they are going to be and may
flounder for a while. But that is the crux of the decision. Those who flounder
may very well be led astray because they have no sense of who they are and what they believe in so they may not base their decisions on a sense of integrity to their character but more so to the character for which they are receiving
attention.



What this means for the teens who are being bullied or, especially,
young ladies who are bullied and feel there is no way out is this: we have to
instill in them from a very early age that they can come to us for anything and
we will listen without judgment and not undervalue their perspective. I have
personally heard parents say that their teen is “so dramatic.” That may very
well be true but that is the level at which they are thinking. This belief has
been referred to as the adolescent fairy tale and adolescent egocentrism when
they cannot understand why their caregivers cannot see how important and life
changing an issue is to them. I recall a scene in, The Breakfast Club, when the
group is in a circle and Allison (the head case) tells the group that, “it’s
inevitable. When we grow up, our hearts die.”


Bu we also need to teach our children to take criticism and harassment
with a grain of salt. I have an adage that some might argue isn’t worth even a
grain of salt but I believe it is true. There is a reason why I don’t get upset
if someone bets me to the basket when playing basketball, or steps on my shoes
on the Max or even says bad things about me or “my mom.” Because I don’t need your respect – I bring my own. The reason my students do what is expected isn’t their respect for me personally, it is because they will not pass the class if they do not do the things that the University and the state of Oregon have
decided they need to do to demonstrate their proficiency. And I don’t treat them
with respect because they have “earned it” – it is because I understand for my
students to do well I need to create a plan, teach to that plan and then assess
fairly to determine if they have retained enough to meet the aforementioned
state and university standards. I play a small but important role in
facilitating that progress but I don’t need my students to “respect” me.



Having said that, I hope my son won’t be misguided by “friends” or
harangued to the point of giving up because he longs for their respect. He has
his own and he will have strength of character and pride in himself and his
family that will surpass any hurtful names or pernicious gossip that may be
headed his way.  When I was I high school, there was a rumor I was gay because the clothes I wore were hand-me-downs and sometimes quite tight. 
If I didn’t have a family who loved me, a small circle of real friends
  and pride in myself – it may have hurt me greatly. This was early 80’s and we
  didn’t have LGBT communities and pride groups on campuses – if you were gay, good luck.


If he is maligned for whatever life choices he makes, he will have the
strength of character and support of his parents to stand behind his decisions.
That seems to be a common thread among several of the young ladies who have made bad choices and then were shamed or embarrassed by their school chums’ response. Liam won’t be. He will own his decision and stand behind it. But he won’t stand alone. I wonder how many of the young ladies especially didn’t go to their families because they didn’t think they could. 
 

I don’t have all the answers; not even sure the answers I have are the
right ones. But I know that the tragedy that unfolds day after day needs lots of
voices to chime in so that we can have a discussion and solve the problem as
best we can.


 

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/19/11289813-42-million-settlement-for-student-paralyzed-by-bully?lite&GT1=43001

    My hope is that you wont be sure if I am serious or not by using that title. I am serious. Believe me when I tell you that this case and the young man involved are going to be a pivotal turn in the abolition of bullying and peer victimization. It doesnt matter in the least that the district, "[makes] no admission by the Board or by any of its employees of a violation of any law or duty owed to the Plaintiffs..." Or that they will never get a dime from the actual bully. The repercussions are going to sound all over the country.

    This case will be the precedent for future civil and criminal cases against school districts and the families of bullies. Provided you are willing to take a beating to document the victimization you are suffering at the hands of a brazen bully and an apathetic school (and district).

    Sawyer had written emails [good thinking Sawyer] advising the school and administration that the harassment was continuing and in one email told the administrator that it was getting worse and asked the person for coping strategies for dealing with the bully (pretty good terminology if it wasnt his parents). Unfortunately, no one did anything of substance and, despite what the "district spokesperson" says, I seriously doubt any policy was enforced because Sawyer and his family have shown that NOTHING CHANGED!

     So one day, the bully punches Sawyer in the stomach - it resulted in a blood clot that moved to his spine - and burst. He is now paralyzed and wheelchair bound. 4.2 million dollars isnt enough if it is my child - but he isnt so they settled. In court, while it would have cost more and you are taking a chance - i think a jury punishes the district very hard. I am guessing the insurance underwriters for the district have a cap and they knew they werent getting anything from the bully's family, so they settled. But they arent ready to settle the advocacy.

     Here is a statement from the defendant:"The board denied allegations that it or its employees had “failed or compromised its responsibility to develop and to implement effective policies and procedures to protect the safety and rights” of the school community, the statement continued, noting that the district "prides itself for the role which it has played in recognizing and developing an awareness of the dangers of bullying, intimidation and harassment in the school setting." 

 

    This is not a case of the district not having a plan in place or a policy forbidding bullying. This is about the enforcement and USE of the policy(ies). This is the situation for a multitude of school districts. A recent survey of principals around the country showed that they report not having the resources, time or training to implement anti bullying policies and practices. This is the sad state when an issue that has been prevalent since people got together in groups is suddenly thrust into the spotlight and catches everyone who has turned their head from the issue are forced to pay attention and FINALLY be held accountable.

    So, good on ya Sawyer - make them pay and maybe they will listen. Though I doubt it!  You will be a news broadcaster and youll be able to hold your head up while the bully may grow up to be successful but has to live with the fact that he inspired you to be even more outspoken - though the cost was dire, the benefit is to society and thats even better than being a millionaire.

:-)

Many anniversaries have come and gone. The 50th of Brown v Board of Education, 40th of JFKs assassination, the death of Rosa Parks and, of course - the 40th anniversary of Dr Martin Luther King's assassination on April 4 1968. When the date of his assassination was upon us, I remember hearing people on talk shows ask what Martin might think if he was alive today. They asked Al Sharpton - a circus ringleader of racial conflict. They asked Jesse Jackson, friend and comrade of Dr King - and an opportunist if I ever saw one. They never asked me.

I would tell them that Martin would weep. Not only has it taken 50 years for a black man to become president - even he was a target of racially motivated cartoons and ridicule. Let me repeat that, a PRESIDENTIAL candidate was a target of racially motivated cartoons and ridicule. Also, the last year that comprehensive numbers were collected, 38 million Americans live in poverty. Further, America is at war. Finally, racism is still a constant in the American landscape.

What is wrong with us?

Im not upset that a presidential candidate is drawn in caricature - politics has been that way for 200 years but the racist vitriole that was present in political cartoons even in the mainstream - was shocking. I believe Martin would turn the other cheek, and weep.

38 million Americans living in poverty - that is, a family of three living on about 14,000 a year - in the richest country in the world. Martin would try to unify the business world, social assistance and general public - but in private, he would weep.

Martin was an outspoken opponent of the Viet Nam war. He felt it was an odd hypocrisy to employ military means to kill people who oppress and kill other people. I think Martin would talk with Obama - take a moment to imagine that picture! - clench his fists, and weep.

Inequity, and I know about schools so I will use schools as the example, still exists. But the inequity isnt so closely tied to race anymore. It is still associated with race but it is more like the associative propoerty in math. Inequity exists for poor people, by percentage of the population and not numerically - there are more people of color living in poverty - therefore, Inequity in education still exists for people of color. It doesnt have to be this way, this Educational Apartheid as Jonathan Kozol calls it, but it is this way due to ineptitude, greed and ignorance. Martin would see a consistency in the number of brown students not being successful in school, he would put his head in his hands, and Martin would weep.

And yet, I believe he would espouse hope. In his autobiography, Martin said that, only when it is darkest can you see the stars shine. I look to the sky hopefully, and wait for the stars to shine.

Stephen Krashen wrote a response on his blog about a statistics he had read, I believe, from the Washington Post. In the blog, Krashen shares his thoughts about the article author's findings that more students are graduating from high school but not in four years; it is taking them longer to graduate. He cites his own memories about a family member who, during the Great Depression, alternated between a year of high school and a year of work in order to help his family survive the financial crisis.

Do you think the system would crash if we did away with grade levels? What about grades on assignments? What might happen? What effect would that have on teachers? Parents? Schools? Tests? The Federal Government? Let's briefly examine the possible effect(s), as I see it.

Imagine a scenario where children come into a school and are authentically assessed for their strengths and weaknesses and then have a learning program created especially for them that will use their strengths to make progress on their weaknesses. Teachers in the classroom would have to be knowledgeable about a broad span of information, always be willing to learn more and work even more collaboratively with their students to provide meaningful, challenging curriculum for all students in the class. When a student falters, they don't "repeat third grade" because it isnt about grades - they would continue to move on with their cohort, requiring the next teacher (or you could even move on with the original class) to provide the challenging, engaging curriculum to result in progress - even with the struggling student who would have been left back in the traditional classroom. However, the student's affect wouldn't be negatively influenced and a sense of family would continue to be strengthened.

...and that is the next level of my proposition - to do away with assigning grades. I have been in brainstorming sessions at the university level about assigning grades. I know some of the concerns and questions that arise when discussing "grades." Think of the assessment cycle: pre-assessment, formative assessment and post-or summative-assessment. The reason for pre assessment is to inform the stakeholders (teachers, parents, learner). It gives the stakeholders an idea of the level of proficiency in relation to the lesson or unit objective. Formative assessment gives stakeholders insight into the learner's progress during instruction. Finally, summative assessment indicates the level of progress the learner made relative to the objective(s) of the lesson. So the question becomes, if assigning grades are necessary, WHEN are they necessary? Or are there different levels of "necessary"?

Assigning a grade for a pre-assessment isnt necessary because no one is comparing it to anything in particular - unless you compare students to one another or performances by former students - don't do that. You should be using that information to inform your practice. If you don't use it for pre assessment, then it is only slightly more effective to use as a post - since you are comparing performances, not letter grades because the letter grades represent levels of proficiency. So I say to that, show or tell the students how they progressed - or better yet, let the learner tell you what they learned and how much they progressed by informing them of the objective so they can tell you how close they got to the objective. It takes more time and organization but by doing this, and emphasizing a personal approach, it will make all that time preparing for federally encouraged testing to be obsolete.

It is possible for all grades. If you tell a kindergartener that the objective is they learn to write their name using the capital letters of the alphabet then you can show them their performance on the task and ask if they have met the objective. You can avoid saying that is a 5, or an A, or "acceptable" and the two of you can agree that it has all the characteristics of the objective and the learner has reached the goal.

I will say, and this conclusion came from the meetings at the university level, as a summative assessment when you are no longer going to instruct this skill, a grade or score may be effective because it informs the stakeholders of their final level of proficiency. (Evergreen College in Washington state still uses narrative reports on their grade transcripts for graduates, nice approach) My only opinion on that is, when learners leave a university class - it may be the last time the teacher will see the learner, so a final summation is necessary. At the elementary level, it isn't that way until the end of fifth grade. So the practice of assigning descriptions of the learner's performance might also breed more collaboration between teachers and grade levels.

Just a final note on grades and grade levels. I have 40+ year old friends and colleagues who remember the feeling of being held back in first grade. Simply removing the "grade level" would eliminate this memory. Learners would learn skills, concepts, etc. and after mastering them, would move on to the next level of skills and so on. Teachers would have to know their stuff across several levels of proficiency and allow the learner to take over more of their learning; both end results would be a positive step toward making education more effective.

I have been remiss. I just noticed that November has no post - so, maybe today you will get two? Maybe.

Today I read about a Mr. Clemmons. He walked into a coffee shop in Tacoma, Washington as four police officers were completing paperwork before their shift started. He evidently, pulled out a gun and shot all four in cold blood. One officer was able to wound him but was also killed. I mourn the four police officers because they are among our bravest citizens.

The controversy began because Mike Hukkabee (sp?) apparently gave clemency to the perpetrator some years back. Between then and now, the assailant continued to rack up criminal charges of abuse toward police officers, domestic partners and children. I do not bemoan the fact that he was let out of prison. Hukkabee allegedly cited Clemmons' childhood as a reason why he should be granted clemency and released from his 104-year prison sentence for armed robbery. Apparently, he had a tumultuous childhood which resulted in a grown man with little or no empathy. A lack of empathy, or the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and feel what they might feel, is a common characteristic in a traditional bully.

Peer victimization expert Daniel Olweus has described different types of bullies. I am not suggesting to know what kind of bully Clemmons was but one kind of bully is the "bullied bully." This bully is the one who has been bullied him or herself and bullies others to, "get some relief from his own feelings of powerlessness and self-loathing" (Coloroso, 2007, 89).  He has had a long connection with law enforcement, clearly blames them for his circumstances and was actually out on bail, facing charges of assaulting a police officer and sexual abuse of a child (MSN home page, 12/01/09) when the shooting occurred.

I absolutely do NOT blame the Seattle police officer who, when faced with a "cop killer," shot and killed him today. My own brother is a police officer and if it is between him going home to see his wife and sons and some low-life who would take my brother's life, my brother should shoot first and I hope your aim is true! 99 percent of police officers are good, caring, brave men and women who regularly put their lives on the line for total strangers. Having said that, I wish we could have heard from Clemmons. He is not alone in his victimization and role as violent bully. But they can change.

Hukkabee must have known that this man had a violent upbringing and committed interpersonal, violent crimes before granting him clemency. Here is my problem with that decision (and I believe it is standard operating procedure), they just released him with no mandatory ongoing therapy as a condition of release or even delaying his release upon completion of in-custody therapy. Either way, this bully and others like him may not need to be put in prison but they need someone to collaborate with them to work out the issues that have resulted in their identity as a bully.

Our young people are the same way. A large majority of the instances of bullying in schools will occur outside the vision of teachers and paraprofessionals. It happens in the bathroom, between buildings of the school during recess, or in the path to and from school.  Still, when it is obseved, most schools will send a bully to the office without understanding the underlying issues that resulted in the bullying behavior. They are then expelled or punished without any ongoing work to support the bully's development of alternative responses to feelings of inadequacy, superiority, or animosity. Bullying left unexplored in young children can result in adults with unexplored bullying behavior and we have workplace shootings, abusive parents and impulsive interpersonal violence occurring in society.